She’s pregnant. You’re shocked.

So she just told you she is pregnant­ or maybe she hasn’t told you yet but you have a hunch. What do you do now?

Hearing news like that can be overwhelming, and scary. You may feel shocked, terrified, even angry. This wasn’t what you had planned.

In a moment like this, it can be really hard to speak rationally, and you might find yourself reacting, not responding. Remember that your initial reaction will have a significant impact on your future relationship. She needs your support now more than ever.

So while you might be tempted to vent your anger, you don’t want to say things that you will regret later. If you have already “blown it”, it’s not too late to show her you care about her and love her.

Focus on trying to understand what might be going on in her head right now. She is likely terrified and unsure about what to do next. Encourage her to take her time in decision making, and to speak to someone who understands what’s going on (we offer free, confidential mentoring and information about her options).

You might be tempted to say, “Whatever you decide, I will support you” but this could actually make her feel that she has to figure this all out on her own. It may be more helpful if you said “We will get through this together” or “I’m here for you and will help you in whatever way I can.”

Here are some DO’S and DON’TS for the situation:

DO

• Listen as she talks about her feelings and plans
• Try to stay calm
• Be certain – ­ Ask her if she has taken a pregnancy test or seen a doctor yet (we offer free pregnancy tests)
• Respect her feelings
• Partners – Take responsibility. She didn’t get pregnant on her own!
• Remember she can’t read your mind. Tell her you care about her, and that you will get through this together
• Help her to know all her options. You can find more information here
• Find someone for YOU to talk too. She isn’t the only one facing change

DON’T

• Partners – Don’t leave her. Running away won’t make this go away
• Don’t react out of anger and say things you might regret later
• Don’t make decisions for her or pressure her into one choice
• Partners – Don’t tell her it’s all up to her and not share your thoughts. This will just make her feel alone
• Parents – Don’t disregard her feelings about the father ­­­­­­­­of the baby
• Don’t assign blame or condemn

­­­­ Let us help you both – come in for a free session. We offer education and community referrals. Neither of you has to go through this alone.